Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Your email address will not be published. He constantly needs pampering and she has to tread on eggshells so as not to put him in one of his moods. Keep standing firm until he gets the message. Yes, I understand that, and yes - when he does get upset, he gets more upset than normalbut it gets to the point where I feel like I'm looking after a child, not that I'm in a relationship. Or are you pulling a little Mrs Robinson thing over there?). Hes not family to my boyfriend or anything he is just a random guy and my boyfriend has coffee with this looser it is very hurtful. Can you stand up for me by.. I dont see any solutions on how to change that about him. He's been trained to do so, and treat it as normal. I was proud of him but at the same time I was hurt. Like us, they are also engaged. And, try these tips for coping with a boyfriend who chooses his family or friends over you. This has been going on for a few years now, and I fear there may never be a positive resolution. If you ever bother to read the whole thing, that is. When I asked why he didnt stick up for me he said it was just easier that way I didnt want to argue with him but if I say one bad thing about his friend I get yelled at. Being strong and confident as a woman does not mean your boyfriend should let his friends or family walk all over you. and with wonderful timing, as always in life, an ex-boyfriend has just got in touch with me again to see how things are going, and to tell me that he's living around my university area again, so it'd be good to catch up. If we get into an argument (which is rare, because it doesn't progress so far as him replying), he'll just agree with me. In terms of being firm; I try to be at the moment, and I get met with more silence. It's not worth being stressed all the time. Ive told him several times that it hurts me that we cant do things as a normal couple, he always has to hide the fact that hes with me and it really causes me a lot of pain in the relationship. February 23, 2023, 10:09 AM. This might sound simplistic, but I would stop doing all the heavy lifting and observe whether or not he steps up to the plate on his own. I have to say though, he does a good job of getting you to make all the effort. In the meantime I have to put up with him. But I don't know if this is something that's solvable, because there's nothing I can do on my end, it's up to him to work out what's going on. It sounds cliche, but communication really is key. You stood up for yourself, and you told him what you really think and feel. Why wait it out 'with' him when that takes up your time? Then you may have need to deal with your own confidence or self-esteem issues. He wont defend me. Started Saturday at 12:43 AM, By Dump him immediately. In my work as a psychotherapist, I have learned that change is a personal phenomenon and people have to want to change for themselves in order for it to be healthy and sustainable. To be more precise, it's convenient for him to keep you around. But if it ever gets even remotely as bad as this BAIL. I was so upset and hurt cause easter was next day and planned him being with me then take him to his mom. Anyway my boyfriend and i have been together 18 months and this same guy happens to have worked with him. Are you my soulmate? Ive never met his parents or been to his house but hes met my entire family and they already treat him like part of our family. Trust me, if you find at least a guy who always has a smile on his face and a joke to make things easier, if not one who can actually make suggestions to solve your problem, you'll be much happier. I don't know if he realises that he's doing it; it doesn't come accross as intentional when he switches the focus back to him - but obviously, it has the same effect. "It is not a requirement of anyone to like someone else's family," says Sarah . Worse, if your partener starts to talk his relationships problems with himthe outcome is obvious. For more information, please see our And your both feeling more supportedmore "known"by the other, can make a major difference in restoring the lost intimacy between you. He's the kind of guy whose answer to "What do you want to do tonight/where do you want to have dinner/what film shall we put on" is always, "I don't mind, you decide.". Now, most relationships dont form over the course of a murder trial, sure, but the premise holds: In order for a relationship to be healthy, couples need a foundation of mutual trust, respect, and support. Many happy couples build healthy relationships outside of their family of origin. Ive told him many time how I feel but still his sister treats me like crap. "We Do Not Own The Rights To Any of The. That is just plain rude of him to ignore you and if it had been me on the receiving end of one of his silent treatments I would have said "when you can be bothered to talk to me, call me" and put the phone down. Calling me names and he also told her how i just came up and told her were i hide my car. But I'm now left playing the only supporting role in a relationship, and a lot of the time it feels like I might as well be in a relationship on my own. Thats hard to do. And the worst part was that I was always in a bad mood because of him(I don't know if you've also reached this state yet). I've explained to him before that even just changing the subject to something more upbeat is better than saying nothing at all. some guy like you mentioned???. He literally says nothing, and just sits on the other end of the phone while I try to ascertain what's going on. We ve been together for 4 years and a half My boyfriends' dad is a doctor who doesn t have a leg( he has a prostethic one) and his mother has Press J to jump to the feed. Tell him nicely and calmly, "I understand you are upset right now, and do not want to talk to me. But your. Well my boyfriend hardly knows this guy and this guy met me once for 5 minutes over three years ago. Ive studied it extensively Take my advice end it while you still have your sanity and youth. The kissing a girl at a party was annot so fun incident. "It should be said that being romantically involved with someone doesn't always mean that you take their side," Graber says. I can tell you from personal exp Continue Reading 155 2 5 Sajeev Rajan Facing challenges together will be nearly impossible without offering mutual support. 11. You seem to be his last priority Privacy Policy. The relationship dynamics can change, but change requires willingness and self-awareness. He Plants Seeds of Doubt. Instead of offering any support, any comfort, any suggestions; I was instead treated to about half an hour of silence because he thought that I was inferring that he doesn't contact me enough. If I lose my husband when Im a senior, I hope I find love againlike you did! STAY. 3. It's for 2 reasons. So what happens when your partner doesnt defend you? Communicate, communicate, communicate. You should stand up for your partner (or wanna-be partner), right? Who knows, maybe if you talk more, he'll come around. Do I just hang up and let him call back when he's ready to talk, do I wait it out and not offer him the comfort? Would you prefer your partner set more boundaries with their family? Focus on changing the only person you have control over: you. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Just so darn complicated. You cant force your boyfriend to stand up for you, or guilt him into protecting you. Being a Muslim woman, I know that a Muslim man sneaking around to be with you, is a red flag, and he will usually NOT choose said woman at the end. But everyone treats me like crap. Three relationship experts share tips for navigating the sticky situation. Not accepting him for who he is makes it difficult to love him fully and completely. It can be hard for someone to stand up against their parents, especially if they've never set any boundaries with their family." They might feel disloyal by voicing support for you. And the thing is what we have is amazing. Then yesterday I was reading his text with his friend from work and he was saying all of these mean things about me and my boyfriend didnt stick up for me once even when his friend was telling my boyfriend that he wants my boyfriend to be with this other girl. An example of this indicator may be that your boyfriend is acting cold not only to you but to his friends and family as well and doesn't spend enough time with them. "If someone can't support you during an external conflict, they probably aren't going to support you in any other areas of your future, such as your career or having a family, Graber adds. My widowed boyfriends adult married child is not accepting me. evenworse I meanwhy don't I just talk to my wall instead? However, if you started to be more firm and stopped putting up with his petulant behaviour maybe he would start taking more responsibility. Blow off steam with some music. You can't lecture or nag your boyfriend to change, and you can't pray your problems away. I think nobody is as bad as this. You will be happier celebrating the things your remember as a child with your own children like thanksgiving, Christmas, 4th July etc. Look at each action or choice. A lot of times he just talk without thinking and has said some insulting things to me as a joke. Dear Wendy: This is my input from my understanding of the situation: 1. I'm getting to the point where I want to get off the phone with him as fast as possible when he calls, because it's either to be upset at me, or to explain what his day was likewhich results in conversations based around "I went shopping, then I had lunch, then I played a board game with my family, then I had dinner" (etc. It can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you wondering if you'll ever find a meaningful connection. Like tattle telling on me. I dated a guy like this for 5 years. Learn how to respond to a boyfriend who doesnt defend or stand up for you. Is it possible for you and your boyfriend to have a happy, healthy relationship? Even if your boyfriend doesn't like the way his friends talk about you, if he stands by and does nothing to stop them, he's as much at fault as they are. Started Thursday at 07:54 PM, By And yes I was in love with him. Was it wrong for me to give up on him? It keeps happening throughout the relationship where I feel like I'm being disrespected by people in his life. She picks on me. The fact is, a lot of money has traded hands between not just him to me and my son but his family even paid for surgery for my son without which he would be dead. 10 things to consider when your boyfriend doesn't have a job 1) Why doesn't he have a job? He doesn't just suddenly lose all brain function because something is wrong. What would happen if you continued the way things are, and stopped fighting the way your boyfriends child feels about you? BUT his father and sister dont like me, and my boyfriend doesnt stand up for me. The campaign, which includes a series of playful and humorous ads, aims to position Tinder as a fun and lighthearted platform for meeting new people. It makes me feel third best, and miserable. It is your husband's right to stand up for himself and to assert his individuality. what do I do? The other reason can be that he is uncomfortable with his family/has learned never to question his family and has a difficulty standing up for you, because of that.